Tag Archives: Captain Hook

Once Upon A Time, S5E21: “Last Rites”

Are you watching this show? Do you wish someone would watch along with you because everyone else you know thinks it’s dumb?  Here is what I was saying while I was watching it–I WILL WATCH WITH YOU.
Spoiler Thoughts:
  • Hades and Zelena are so magical, it is raining everywhere but on them. 
  • Oh look, it’s that jerk Arthur. 
  • Look, they’re bonding over mutual evil. 
  • Ooh, that sounded like really bad chiropracty. Tough luck Arthur. 
  • Man, Merida is so awful. 
  • Zelina. Still continuing to back every wrong horse she sees. 
  • It is a truly sorry Underworld when the only person you can find to help you with your quest is the dude who killed you. 
  • This show is really not endearing Merida to me. 
  • Doesn’t Zelina think Regina is going to want her house back?
  • Emma’s not having a good day. 
  • Robin is apparently still grumpy at having sat out the first half of the season. 
  • Oh Rumple’s going to blame Emma for this whole thing. I don’t think she was around when you sold your kid, Rumple. 
  • That’s pretty good that Hook remembered the pages after all this. 
  • Hysterical!Emma! is kind of one-note. 
  • All his magic, and Rumple’s still using a flip phone. 
  • Wow, this scene is really making me think Robin’s going to eat it. 
  • Good thing the boat that was such a hot commodity back when Emma and Rumple needed one, was apparently just lying around when Hook needed it. 
  • Hook is pretty good to Arthur for having been killed by him. 
  • Emma and Zelena, doing a dive to the bottom of the barrel today. 
  • Yep. 
  • The Miller’s Granddaughters. Single again. 
  • You can do whatever you want Arthur. It’s not going to make up for you having date-raped your wife for years. 
  • Wow, Zeus is a lot younger than I would have thought. 
  • Zeus escorted Hook a whole three steps. 
  • Freaking Merida couldn’t even find a black dress. 
  • You know Snow, I think people are going to keep dying. You may have another day like today. 
  • Well, it’s kind of your fault for running off half-cocked all the time, but not all the way. 
  • Snow loves you Emma, but not enough to leave you the umbrella.
  • I feel like maybe Emma would have initially suspected this was a trick or a hallucination or something.
  • I guess Rumple went out for coffee this episode after threatening to kill Belle’s dad. 
  • Are you kidding me?! They knew this thing was powerful enough to kill a god, and they didn’t look for pieces?
  • Actually, why did Hades kill Arthur in the first place? What did that do except help Hook?
  • I suspect we may have some more discussion about villains never getting their happy endings again.
  • Although, Cruella seems pretty happy now.
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Once Upon A Time, S5E15: “The Brothers Jones”

Spoiler Thoughts:
  • Man, it really bugs me that her license plate reads “Dev Il” instead of “De Vil.”
  • I do think that Cruella has so far worked a lot better in this storyline than her original one. The fact that she’s the only one with insight into the Author gives her significance that the dog breath thing really didn’t.
  • I still don’t think Emma should get a dark mark for killing her though. If she didn’t know Cruella couldn’t kill Henry, it was still self (?) defense. 
  • The idea that bringing that witch back to life undoes it seems like sophistry. 
  • BTW, let’s not forget what the curse taught us: The thing Cruella loves most, is MURDER. 
  • The Apprentice is also up there with Mila as the ultimate cause of gargantuan evils. 
  • Emma got the power of dry cleaning. 
  • Hm. Hook’s bro is kinda a jerk. 
  • Henry, you are the worst liar. 
  • Did it ever occur to Liam that he was a moron for not taking charge of all the money when he knew Killian was a doof?
  • Wow, if the prospect of sleeping with Cruella doesn’t actually make Charming barf, he really is a hero. 
  • This is some awkward exposition from the Brothers Jones. 
  • Liam, you loser. 
  • Man. As psycho as Cruella is, she is still way smarter than Charming. 
  • Well, to be fair, Charming’s Mom did sell him, too, as soon as the original money ran out. 
  • Gosh, remember when Emma had a superpower about knowing when people were lying?
  • Why does Hades speak like a Shatner impersonator?
  • Oh Liam. Your birds are done come home to roost. 
  • Ok, it is amazing that a large group of guys can throw bags over two guys heads, who doubtless are struggling and yelling, and march them all the way through town to the library in the middle of Main St., and no one blinks an eye. 
  • Are you kidding me? Dude killed a whole ship full of people, and he makes up for it by sacrificing himself for just his brother?
  • He wasn’t even sorry about any of them, in the end! He was sorry Killian found out!
  • Killian was pretty credulous buying this story to begin with. “Providence did the rest.”
  • Liam could at least have read the pages so he could have told someone what they said. 
  • Charming, your Mom sold you. And that was even after she was trying to get you to marry for money.
  • GDI. You can never get free of Zelina. 
  • It’s like she has the same agent as that Will Scarlett guy. 
  • I guess Rumple had to go have a nap after all the activity of last week.

Once Upon A Time, S5E11: “Swan Song”

Ok, new Once Upon A Time tonight.  Time to catch up!

Spoiler Thoughts:
  • Wow, people had pretty crap fathers in Storybrooke. 
  • You can tell Emma’s getting good again, because her makeup is getting softer. 
  • Only evil girls wear bright red lipstick. That’s the law. 
  • Gold is kind of a downer here. 
  • Oh crap, I don’t remember Regina testing Hook. Did we see it already? Or are we going to flashback?
  • Oh, flashback. 
  • Because promises where you have to swear not to tell anyone ever always go well. 
  • Belle’s getting creeped out. 
  • Wow, Belle was all “thanks for the car. Bye bitches.”
  • Gold might be a hero, but still slow on the self-sacrifice scale. 
  • Oh man, I hope not Zelina. I think we’ve seen quite enough of you. 
  • I guess Granny took a powder after making the burgers?
  • This is apparently the family of good-looking guys who never get old. 
  • He fell in love while he was asleep?
  • That Mila is the source of all evil. 
  • Man, that was pretty slow-witted of Emma. 
  • Oh wow, that Neal is a cute baby. 
  • Ouch, Killian’s Dad. You could have at least made up a new bedtime motto.
  • Well that could have gone better. 
  • So Hook was able to turn it around with the memory of his Dad, but not with Emma?
  • Kinda deux ex machina, but ok. 
  • Poor Emma. 
  • Although if she had done this from the beginning, Merlin would still be alive. 
  • Nice that Storybrooke’s paramedics are still gainfully employed. 
  • Belle is kind of a sap. 
  • Urg.  Seeing them just have slept together is not making this relationship less squidgy.
  • Oh Gold. 
  • You can take the man out of the Dark…
  • Yeah Snow. You just try to be judgey in these circumstances. 
  • Gold is all “why should I get my shoes ruined?”
  • So summing up this first half of the season:  Clothes were better and I liked the additions to the Dark One mythology.
  • Still, a lot of it seemed like treading water. What happened to Arthur? We spent a lot of time on his story to just have him vanish at the end.
  • Plus, are we really ok with leaving Guinevere all date-rape drugged into submission by Arthur?
  • I’m not totally sure I buy Gold wanting the darkness back after he had already achieved hero-ness.  I feel like without the darkness, he should have been repelled at the idea of taking it back.
  • The whole end to Dark!Hook! was very Buffy/Angel.
  • Also, what was the point of making a big deal of bringing half the Town to Camelot?  They certainly didn’t do much once they were there.
  • I’m not sure what Regina was getting at when she kept needling Hook to remember about his Dad.  How did she know that would make the difference?
  • I hope Zelina takes a powder for awhile.  That character is becoming gratingly one-note.
  • It appeared that all the dwarfs got marked as well by the Dark Ones.  How come they didn’t show up by the lake at the end?
  • Everyone was so anxious to come along to Camelot, but strangely enough, no one seems to have wanted to tag along to Hell.

Once Upon A Time, S5E10: “Broken Heart”

Ok, only a week or so before Once Upon A Time starts up again.  Time to catch up!

Spoiler Thoughts:
  • Rumple is the best. 
  • As the years go on, I feel like Rumple’s green-ness gets a little more spottier applied. 
  • Yeah, that’s right Regina. You try being judgey in this circumstance. 
  • I always think these guys must love it when their characters go evil again. It’s so much more to play. 
  • Especially Hook, who was just relegated to pining after Emma for so long. 
  • The Dark Ones have chronicles?
  • Everyone wishing they were somewhere else, while Henry lowers the boom down on Emma. 
  • I do think Emma’s getting the short end of the stick. It’s not like any of them could gave helped her even if she came to them. 
  • They’d just be all “oh, tough about Hook. Well, back to frolicking around with my true love some more. Bye.”
  • They did get a spiffy new wardrobe back in Camelot. 
  • I think these open-ended “meet me here and I’ll know how you feel” arrangements are recipes for disaster. 
  • Ugh. If anything would make me want the Dark Ones to win, it’s Merida. 
  • Why would Emma leave him alone? She knows Rumple will come back. 
  • This seems like Hook’s overreacting a little here. 
  • Yeah, that’s right Gold. You try being judgey in these circumstances. 
  • What’s to prevent Zelina from just zapping off with the baby?
  • Kind of justice, since Merlin being a sap created the Dark Ones to begin with. 
  • Henry’s awesome. 
  • Ha ha. Rumple saving Gold is great. 
  • I feel like we’ve played this scene out by the well a few times before. 
  • Rumple is such a helper. 
  • Wait, there’s a portal to the underworld that just happens to be in a lake in Storybrooke?
  • I don’t know whether that should make the real estate value go up or down. 
  • I totally don’t remember the thing with Robin and the fury. 

Once Upon A Time, S5E08: “Birth”

Spoiler Thoughts:
  • Wow, that was not so smooth, Charming.
  • A legendary Prince, Pirate, and Thief, and the only thing that even slowed down Arthur was a tree root.
  • Jennifer Morrison is getting a lot of shouting practice in recently.
  • Oh Hook. Emma does and does for you.
  • Aw. Hook was looking into real estate. Romantic and a good investment.
  • Hm. Zelina’s doing premature labor the really hard way.
  • Regina’s all “whose dark magic?” Because we kind of have an assortment of choices by now.
  • Meanwhile, Hook’s idea of how to get a hold of Emma is to just wander around town yelling her name. He really never did get the hang of cell phones.
  • Good thing he’s yelling EMMA SWAN, in case there’s another dark Emma in town.
  • Zelina is learning the benefits of organic eating a little too late.
  • Oh, Dr. Whale is back! And creepy as ever!
  • Hey, remember when he was Dr. Frankenstein?
  • And slept with Snow White?
  • Holy Mackerel. Is Dr. Whale even in the same show as everybody else?
  • Well here’s a thought: What if Emma just magic bopped Arthur instead of Merlin, he dropped the sword, and Merlin wasn’t under his command anymore?
  • Wow. You had Arthur literally under your boot, and let him waddle away and free Zelina?
  • For that matter, once Zelina was free, why would Arthur have to run? Now he could have Zelina get the sword from Hook and be back to baseline again.
  • I’m not sure these people are thinking this through all that well.
  • Why is it the dagger doesn’t command explicit obedience when Regina uses it?
  • Having actually delivered babies, I can say that most mothers do not look like Zelina right after delivery.
  • Well at least someone threw Whale across the room.
  • Aw. They kissed the flame on.
  • This must be the first time anyone in Storybrooke ever kept a bargain.
  • I don’t know. Emma’s plan has a certain logic to it.
  • I don’t really get this wound thing. Even if it didn’t heal, why would it get worse?
  • …What?
  • Wow, this was kind of a complex plan for her to make up on the spot.
  • Also, glad that Regina and Merlin just stood around while all this happened. Did they forget they had magic too?
  • So…is it the actual act of tethering someone to a blade that makes them evil? Why would that be?
  • Then, when Arthur tethered Merlin, he made him evil? And Emma took his evil and put it in Killian to tether him to his blade?
  • Evil is like velcro?
  • Why does everyone else seem to understand this immediately?
  • If I were Killian, I think I would probably give Zelina a poke with Excalibur while I had them both there, just for stabbing me in the heart earlier.

Once Upon A Time, S4E16: “Poor Unfortunate Soul”

Spoiler Thoughts:

  • August is back! Along with his dubious moral fibre.
  • Ghostbusting merman!
  • Oh Belle. I feel like you should be sharper than this.
  • Plus, that whole pirate oath you swore last time to not tell anyone really didn’t take, did it?
  • Ha–I like how Emma’s “can you do that?” to Hook calls back to Ariel’s “can you do that?” To Ursula in the movie.
  • Why would Hook believe anything Ursula says, if he wronged her that bad?
  • Oh they used Fathoms Below–that’s nice.
  • So close to a nice gesture, Hook. So close.
  • Wait. Are you telling me there might be an actual reason for Will Scarlett to be hanging around? Besides an awesome agent?
  • Do not even tell me, Regina, that you’re going to take this Robin at face value.
  • Oops. Dream.
  • Poor CGI August.
  • Nice. How are you gonna get out to the ship? It’s nowhere near shore, and there’s obviously a stiff breeze blowing.
  • Well THAT could have gone better.
  • Ariel has always been a little off to me in Storybrooke. A little too harsh.
  • Why couldn’t Poseidon just paralyze Hook like before, and take the shell from him?
  • Why again, are we glad to see August, when all he ever did was abandon us, steal our stuff, and have us put in jail?
  • Also, do we honestly think Geppetto is going to be happy that his cute kid is gone, and this lying, disreputable guy is back?
  • “I’m good at surviving. Or you’re bad at killing.”
  • It’s lines like that that keep Hook an appealing character, despite his propensity to flip flop.
  • Aww. Who you gonna call? Poseidon!
  • Ok, I think Emma’s being a little disingenuous here.
  • Well, I guess we should have figured Ursula wasn’t as evil as all that, when she let Gold live with her and eat her ramen.
  • Wait, but if the villains can’t get their happy endings without Emma going dark side, how did Ursula get hers?

Once Upon A Time S4E4: “The Apprentice”

Spoiler Thoughts:

  • Hey Brad Dourif!  Woo!  Oh…that was it.
  • Wow Hook.  This seems like a spectacularly bad idea.
  • Will no one lend Elsa a pair of jeans?
  • What on Earth is wrong with Scarlet?  He just bumbles around the town, right in front of the people he’s supposedly trying to evade, with no apparent purpose.  I never finished Wonderland, but it seemed as though he was smarter than this before.
  • Oh wow, Hook.  This seems like an even more spectacularly bad idea.
  • Why would Hook not just tell Emma that his hand may or may not be evil, instead of doing whatever the guy who hates him more than anything tells him?
  • Oh Anna, if only there were someone who could give you good advice.
  • Elsa’s parents don’t seem to be racking up “Parent of the Year Award” points in a big way this week.
  • Are you serious, Hook? This is the most avoidable way imaginable to get coerced by Rumple.  Why would you not tell Emma everything?  Do you honestly believe she would take Rumple’s word over yours?
  • The theme for this week:  “questionable decisions were made.”