Once Upon A Time, S5E22: Season Finale: “Only You” and “Untold Story”

Are you watching this show? Do you wish someone would watch along with you because everyone else you know thinks it’s dumb?  Here is what I was saying while I was watching it–I WILL WATCH WITH YOU.
Spoiler Thoughts:
Only You
  • I always like how you can instantly tell how good/evil anyone is, by how dark their makeup is. 
  • Also, Regina’s hair is always so much better when she goes evil. 
  • Glad Rumple just carts Belle around inside that little box all the time, like she’s jewelry.
  • Nice going Killian.
  • Well Emma does seem a little forgetful about how she felt when she went all psycho about Hook and everyone told her to go take a nap.
  • Oh come on Henry.  Are you joining up with the Peter Pan coalition now?
  • Yeah, that’s not creepy at all, asking some girl that you barely know to run away with you for who knows how long.
  • Ok Henry, how come you don’t just write out “all the magic’s gone” or “the crystal is destroyed?”
  • Oh hi Rumple.
  • It’s hard to think that the whole town would disintegrate without magic, when the town actually was totally without magic for a couple of minutes first season after Emma broke the spell and before Rumple brought magic back.
  • Ugh, Merida is the worst.
  • Remember when no one could make a portal because all the beans were gone?  Now it’s like portals everywhere.
  • Pretty sure that’s not covered under AppleCare.
  • Also hilarious that with all her power, Regina still has a flip phone.
  • If you were Violet, would you really run off to a different part of the country with some strange guy without even taking a pair of pants?
  • I’m guessing that arrow feather is going to be a big deal next season.
  • Maybe everyone should stand back?
  • Granny’s all “thanks for leaving me with the baby.”
  • Who still keeps maps in their car?!
  • Although, I guess if you’re still rocking the flip phone, you’re not going to to be asking Siri for directions.
  • A little worrisome that Regina routinely travels around with a 4-inch needle  on her.
  • Realistically, who hasn’t ever wanted to do that to a parking guy?
  • Do we really think Neal genuinely wanted to do away with magic?  Or was that the influence of that girl who was pretending to be his fiancée who was working for Peter Pan to do away with magic for…reasons?
  • Don’t taze me, bro.
  • Emperor Palpatine in his earlier days.
  • From when she was little to now, Snow will just spill everything to anyone.
  • Snow would make the worst spy.
  • You would think Hook could start stabbing at this dude’s hand with his hook.
  • “You’re just saying that because you feel bad about ripping her heart out in Camelot.”
  • True, dat.
  • So Regina gave this book to Robin?  How did it end up in Neal’s apartment?
  • Also, good thing that no one in New York ever needs an apartment so they left this one totally untouched for the year or so since he died.
  • Parilla really looks good in this scene.
  • Rumple must have been thinking “wow, I can’t believe I have to listen to all this maudlin soul-searching just to find out where I have to go to kill my grandson.”
  • The Librarian is all “no one comes here because everyone else in the world uses this thing called ‘the internet.'”
  • Henry used to know how to use the internet when he used it to find Emma, but apparently magic makes your googling skills rusty.
  • …Or, Henry could just write with his pen “the solution to all their problems showed up right now.”
  • I’ve seen a lot of hospital labs and doctors, and I’m pretty sure none of them were set up for wand reattachment.
  • Good thing the library doesn’t have any alarm system for all its totally rare and mystical artifacts.
  • That was the shortest fight in the history of fights.
  • I never know why anyone thinks they can go up against Rumple.
  • In Steampunk Land, it appears magic is basically electricity.
  • Oops.
  • Well, I’m not so sure the book version of Hyde looked like Sam Witwer, but ok.
  • Actually Henry, your dad initially got gone when his fake fiancée shot him, sans magic.
  • Although, I guess he did fall into a portal right afterwards, but that actually saved his life, so really it was kind of a wash.
  • Regina just likes phlebotomy.
  • You would think, in a hospital, they’d have a bandage for that cut on Hyde’s face.
  • If Hyde wants to leave, why doesn’t he just make a portal back to Storybrooke with the wand?  Cut out the middleman.
  • Rumple can still take Belle around the world in the box.  He won’t even have to pay for an extra airline seat.
  • Once again, faced with a choice, Rumple went for the magic and not his family.
  • At least we got rid of Merida.
An Untold Story
  • Actually, isn’t Hyde just as clever as Jekyll?
  • Because he’s the same guy?
  • “Before we find him, we have to have a way to defeat him.”
  • Already Jekyll is smarter than Coulson.
  • Oh wow, this is some sketchy CG.
  • This is like the Land of Central Casting.
  • Like they just rounded up everyone on the lot that day who had their own costume.
  • Rumple apparently not going the subtle route.
  • Man, Rumple is going to drain this poor room service guy’s blood or something.
  • So the hotel is nice enough to have solid silver platters for room service, but not nice enough to get your order right.
  • At least Granny knows how to text.
  • Emma is reusing her “we have to be smart about this” line from the first half.
  • Rumple is not going to buy this.
  • That is a lot of liquid he just milked out of that flower.
  • I also kind of feel like Jekyll and Hyde is actually…a told story?
  • If Hyde wanted the potion, why didn’t he just let Jekyll finish it ages ago?
  • Rumple is always the smartest guy in the room.
  • “For better or worse, this is now who you are:  Guilt-ridden and weak.”
  • Scalpel back to Dr. Rumple.
  • Carlyle does such a good job with Evil!Gold! So controlled.
  • We will probably forget this moment, but maybe we should subsequently remember that Rumple was actually going to kill Regina and Emma right here.
  • Is there some reason Rumple doesn’t just smack the cup out of Henry’s hands right now?
  • Yikes, that was kinda gross.
  • Hyde gave birth to Jekyll.
  • Zelina finally found someone to fireball.
  • Why in God’s Name would Jekyll tell Snow to leave the taser, when that was the only thing that would even slow Hyde down?
  • Oh right, Rumple.  Like you had any intention of rescuing anyone but Belle.
  • Ha ha!  Gold knew Storybrooke was fine without magic all the time.
  • Grumpy! Henry!
  • Oh hey, I thought Neal’s fake fiancée killed this dude a long time ago.
  • So The Dragon won’t help dark souls, but he was willing to help August, who ran out on Emma, abandoned her as a baby, got her tossed in jail, and stole her money.
  • Although I guess I remember that he charged him pretty well for it.
  • Gold is all “this is the stupidest thing we have ever done.”
  • Why was Charming leading them through the CG square?  He hadn’t ever been there.
  • It’s a good thing Henry has the heart of the Truest Believer, because otherwise, this would be really embarrassing for him.
  • These guys are all “why is someone pitching pennies at us?”
  • The New Yorkers are all “best street performers ever!”
  • Ok Emma, I think it’s a little overestimation to say that the thirty people in this square are “the world.”
  • Well, here’s the thing, Regina:  The Evil Queen isn’t some alien residing inside you that you can blame for everything.  She is actually you.  Wanting her to be gone so you don’t have to be sorry anymore is just trying to escape consequences.
  • That’s not really hero-ish.
  • Oh noooo, Snow.
  • You cannot seriously be thinking that this is a good idea.
  • In the first season, didn’t Charming give a whole speech to all of Storybrooke about how they had to embrace their lame cursed selves because they were just part of themselves?
  • Trying to separate yourself into good and evil bits never did anything good for anyone.
  • Did we learn nothing from “The Enemy Within!?”
  • Man, if you actually stuck someone with a needle that long, it would come out the other side of her wrist.
  • Oh, gross.  Again.
  • The Evil Queen had such cool clothes.
  • Why is good Regina taller than evil Regina?
  • Look, you can dust the Evil Queen, but I’m pretty sure the people she killed are still dead.
  • It’s not like the acts you did went away, Regina.  You still did them.
  • LOL that three of them apparently had to mash into the back of Gold’s car.
  • Did that put magic back into everywhere?  The Olympian Crystal seems like it had extra super duper magic in addition to Storybrooke’s magic.
  • Extra LOL that they apparently didn’t have enough budget to show Hyde’s “friends,” even after he introduced and presented them.
  • Maybe Darth Maul will be one of them.
  • Meanwhile, The Dragon is all “oh no, not again.”
Thoughts on the Season
  • So I think the whole “Dark Swan” storyline had some interesting pieces in it, particularly as it fleshed out the mythos of The Dark Ones.
  • Where it let me down a little was the whole Camelot bit, which seemed kind of poorly done technically, and ultimately unnecessary.
  • I might have felt better about it if, at the end, they had changed things around for Camelot, but actually they didn’t.
  • Everyone there, as far as we know, is still under the sway of Arthur’s roofie dust, including Guinevere, who he basically date-raped for the last several years of their marriage.
  • Also Merida was given the most annoying treatment since Mulan.  Constantly making poor decisions, taking wrong actions, and generally being kind of an irritant.
  • Ultimately, Emma didn’t really get all that dark, which I guess made it easier for her to come back without that much baggage.
  • I think the Underworld half worked better for me, although I had some issues with Hades.  The concept of limbo was interesting and the characters moving on or becoming lost forever meant the stories were more circumscribed.
  • In general, it seemed like a lot of the major arcs had the potential to go on for longer, but then in the interests of time, just got abruptly truncated.
  • I also have a lot of questions now about TRUE LOVE.
  • Remember back in the day, when Rumple did all this work to get tissue samples from Snow and Charming so he could work TRUE LOVE into his spell, because it was the rarest thing in the galaxy or something?
  • But this season alone, we got no less than three new couples of TRUE LOVE:  Hades/Zelina, Dorothy/Red, and Hook/Emma.
  • Also, I guess one failed TRUE LOVE couple, Gold/Belle.
  • In the first place, boy howdy, does TRUE LOVE not take that much time, because both Hades/Zelina and Dorothy/Red seem to have known each other for about half an hour before their love had reached critical mass and could vanquish the curses of Gods.
  • However, I guess I don’t really know what the qualifications are for TRUE LOVE, because on the one hand, Gold can’t wake up Belle because…she doesn’t love him?
  • But in this episode, Emma clarifies that it doesn’t work because Belle doesn’t want to be with him–which seems more reasonable than that she doesn’t love him, given that she just killed a dude for him.
  • If she does still love him though, you would think that it would actually still qualify for TRUE LOVE, just not maybe PERFECT LOVE, or even APPROPRIATE LOVE.
  • And on the other hand, Hades and Zelina did make the grade for TRUE LOVE even though it became clear later on that if he did love her, he certainly didn’t love her as much as he loved power–much like Rumple.
  • But that was ok, because…she didn’t know it at the time of the kiss?  So basically you can keep your TRUE LOVE status even if you are totally deceiving your partner, as long as they don’t find out?
  • For that matter then, it doesn’t seem like Belle’s plan of getting her Dad to wake her up would have worked either, because even though she loved him, it wasn’t like she wanted to be with him, either.
  • (Because he was kind of a suck Dad.)
  • Even Hook and Emma, although they have clearly made a lot of sacrifices for each other, seem like kind of a new relationship to get the TRUE LOVE stamp of approval.
  • When they get right down to it, neither one of them had a whole lot of confidence that they even had TRUE LOVE, whereas I’m pretty sure Snow and Charming were both 100% on the TRUE LOVE train from early on in their acquaintance, without having to get tested for it.
  • They kind of seem more like DESPERATE LOVE,  or EVERYONE ELSE IS PAIRED UP OR DEAD LOVE.
  • Anyway, on the final teaser for next season, I think that by now, everyone should know better than to try to split their evil selves off.
  • I do kind of understand what might have motivated it though:  Regina with her TRUE LOVE and new commitment to virtue was actually becoming pretty dull.
  • But by this time we had gone through the switchback between good and evil so often with her, it wasn’t really viable to have her go dark again.
  • This way we can keep her Hero (mostly) Status, and also have Parilla chewing the scenery as the Evil Queen, which is a nice compromise.
  • Looking forward to next season, exploring the duality of good vs. evil, and hopefully a bigger CG budget.

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