Star Wars: The Old Republic Not-Live Blog. “The Rift Alliance”

Spoiler Thoughts:

Chapter 2:

  • The Rift Alliance.
  • Now I am Jedi Master!
  • Man, these diplomats are pretty crap in a fight.
  • Ok, off to Balmorra.
  • Wartorn, bug-ridden Balmorra. Why can’t we ever go anyplace nice?
  • Zenith seems like he has anger issues.
  • Man, I feel like we are liberating this planet in real-time.
  • It’s not a real BioWare game unless I spend ten minutes trying to walk up a hill I wasn’t meant to ascend.
  • That’s ok Tai. Just stay up in the ship while everybody does for you down here.
  • Hey you can’t fool me–that Tw’ilek was Cullen!
  • There are a lot of Darths down here waiting for Jedi justice.
  • Well, ok Zenith, you can come along.
  • Yay! Balmorra is free! How do I get to my ship again?
  • Oh, man, after like a day of aimless wandering, I finally lucked into finding the ship.
  • Aw, Tai’s leaving. He was the only nice one!
  • I’m now wearing a hat so unflattering, the game just removes it for close-ups.
  • Quesh sounds nice. Poisonous, but nice.
  • Wow, these dudes are kicking my ass with force lightning.
  • Like, the medical probe is getting a little tired of coming all the way out here.
  • You know, I think we’re going to have to level up a bit and come back to this one.
  • Ok, finally made it through these guys.
  • I wonder why this fight, right in the middle, was so much harder than anything before or seemingly afterwards?
  • Why do I gotta make all the decisions as to what you’re going to do with all this tech you didn’t want to tell me about in the first place?  What kind of scientists just go off and make stuff without having any intentions?
  • Apparently we have a mole in our camp.  The abrasive woman is too obvious, and the two other aliens are complete non-entities, so I’m going to assume it’s the weak, stuttering guy.
  • Look Nadia.  I’mma let you finish, but you know you’re going to end up fighting the good fight on my team eventually.
  • Off to Hoth!  I hope we find some warm force robes.
  • I feel like these guys may have been stuck out here in the cold too long.
  • Well, that unkillable guy seems pretty killable at this point.
  • Ok, dude has a clone or something, because I’m pretty sure he was looking pretty dead back there.
  • His armor is bringing him back?  How does that work?
  • I feel like our discovery about overloading his armor is burying the fact that the Empire scientists developed something that can bring you back from the dead.
  • …And you stay dead this time!
  • Oh hi Iresso.
  • What?  Oh sure, I guess there’s always room for one more.
  • Hey, here’s a shocker.  The traitor was Kaiser Soze all along!
  • Why would you send that guy off with your King and Queen?  Even if you didn’t think he was totally evil, it wasn’t like he seemed particularly effectual in the first place.
  • The Children of the Emperor.  [Cue “Cat’s Cradle”]

Teen Wolf, Season Five, Episode Fourteen: “The Sword and the Spirit”

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Spoiler Thoughts:

    • Gerard meets the Dread Doctors.  Not sure which is more creepy.
    • How is it that evil people are always so much more effective than good?
    • Oh, all the ugh.
    • You know it’s a good sitch when the beetles are screaming.
    • While I trust Theo, Malia, maybe shouldn’t.
    • Wow, that needle was so long, I’m surprised it didn’t stick out the other side of her neck.
    • Oh, we found out blond deputy’s name!  Strauss!
    • What kind of weapon falls apart if you twist the hilt?
    • Oh Malia.  This looks pretty bad.
    • Worst refraction ever.
    • This pack is not so much with communication.
    • Bad news when Malia is the peacemaker.
    • This is probably a bad move, Liam.
    • How messed up are things when Scott totally creeped me out just now.
    • Aw, Scott forgave his BB.
    • Braeden is the only one with any sense.
    • Poor Lydia has probably not seen any of the other regulars in like a year now.
    • That is a harsh school, when they want you to do homework while you’re in a coma.
    • Lydia’s Mom apparently doesn’t ship it.
    • Did Scott stop bleeding finally?
    • Oh hi Gerard.
    • “Who’s the old guy?”  Liam speaks for all the new viewers.
    • Wow Argent.  I’m not sure that’s covered by homeowner’s insurance.
    • Oh Theo.  That was maybe not trustworthy of you.
    • Parrish was not the best bomb defuser.
    • Gerard could maybe try burning Parrish’s hand or something.  Why’s he gotta go straight for the moneymaker?
    • The Argents have a difficult family dynamic.
    • Although I guess I’d take the Argent family over Malia’s.
    • OMG Lydia, break the damn glass already!
    • I can’t believe that creepy orderly still has a job.
    • Although maybe there is a limited pool of people willing to work at Eichen House.
    • The Beast…just wanted some furniture?
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I’ll just take this, thanks.
    • I like how the Beast broke through the wall and got a chair.  Like Ikea was too far.
    • Hello Handsome.

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  • Ok, I know a lot of things happened at the last minute, Deucalion, but I believe it was Scott that helped restore your sight in the first place.
  • Everybody made up!  Or at least hates each other less now!

Heroes Reborn, Season One, Episode 113: “Project Reborn”

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Spoiler Thoughts:

  • Ok, let’s strap in for the finish.
  • Micah’s the man.
  • Oh Tommy. Did you really think Erica was unprepared for you?
  • Ouch. That’s a painful intro to the Matrix.
  • Peter Pan flies again.
  • Well this seems like it could have gone better.
  • Or not. Welcome to the Future.
  • Ha ha. Everyone ditched Phoebe.
  • No room for psychos in the Brave New World.
  • Easy for Emily to say. It wasn’t her laptop.
  • Oh man, Ren. Kawaisou.
  • Little late to worry about HRG now, Quentin.
  • Zach, stepping up to the plate.
  • Hero time for Flynn Rider.
  • How did he even know his power could do that?
  • You know, I’m not sure pulling a bullet out fixes a person immediately, like True Love’s Kiss. I think whatever that bullet went through is probably going to need help too.
  • Hm. Tommy looks like he has a little episcleritis on his right eye.
  • Hiro got such a bum deal on this. I still don’t know why he had to stay behind.
  • For such a powerful ability, Malina can’t defend herself worth a darn.
  • Guess Zach was right. You can’t block a Glock.
  • Finally, crappy lab guy got his just deserts.
  • You go Otomo-San!
  • Why can’t Otomo-San just unmake the prison?
  • I feel like spending hundreds of hours in a video game maybe doesn’t necessarily qualify you to go in and save someone.
  • I spent hundreds of hours in Dragon Age, but I basically got really good at running away from fights and watching cutscenes.
  • Poor Emily is all “I have no idea what’s happening.”
  • Malina is sad for Quentin…but not too sad.
  • Let’s pause a moment and remember that Heroes Reborn had four major Japanese characters all played by actual Japanese people.
  • Heroes Reborn is awesome, if just for that.
  • Serious? Tommy couldn’t take them back to the minute after Ren left?  He had to give Erica time to catch up?
  • Maybe Tommy should just go back and stop HRG from shooting Erica and restore the original timeline.
  • Well ok Angela, maybe mention that they need a third person next time?
  • It seems like they could use just about anyone for the conduit. Why does it have to be someone willing?
  • The lab tech didn’t seem too willing. Why not use Erica?
  • Why can’t Nathan freeze HRG like Erica preserved Miko?
  • I can’t believe the only people who came out mostly unscathed were the boring LA Batman team.
  • There are a lot of awakenings going on nowadays.
  • “…And then they locked Quentin up and threw away the key.”
  • Wait, how did Angela get younger again?
  • Well, hope we find out who the father is sometime. Maybe we’ll see Claire in a flashback again.
  • I hope they do bring back Heroes again.  I just wish they hadn’t killed off most of the interesting characters this time around.

Star Wars: The Old Republic Not-Live Blog. “The Dark Plague”

Spoiler Thoughts:

Chapter 1

  • And we’re off to Taris! Carth’s planet!
  • I pretty much know Carth’s monologue from KotOR 2 by heart. DO YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? HEY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
  • We get to find the Endar Spire! To find out what happened when the Sith razed the whole planet looking for the one Jedi that was hiding out there.
  • Er…what a jerk, eh?
  • Ok, finally found the poor guy with the Dark Side plague and cured him.
  • Apparently this is making me totally weak, but I haven’t noticed much of a change.
  • Maybe if you’re a better fighter to begin with, this becomes more evident, but I’m pretty much a flail before and after.
  • Off to Nar Shaddaa–home of the Hutts.
  • Ugh. Back to the Swoop Gangs.
  • I feel like this Hutt’s motives are not beyond suspicion.
  • Wow, there are a lot of people who want help on Nar Shaddaa.
  • Tharan Cedrax’s assistant Holiday seems pretty fond of him. Like that woman in KotOR 1 who was pretty fond of her droid.
  • Well so far, we took down a swoop gang, cured spice addiction, freed slaves, stopped an Empire infiltration plot, and stopped a genocide.
  • On the Smuggler’s Moon, we call that “Tuesday.”
  • Ok, lets go get the diseased Jedi.
  • Say, Tharan, who said you were coming?
  • Fain and Yuon? Yikes.
  • Oh, ok Tharan. I guess I’ll see you later.
  • Oh, hi again Theran.
  • Theran wants adventure in the great wide somewhere. He wants so much more than this provincial life.
  • I…didn’t actually say yes, Theran, but ok.
  • Man, the Fain family is a PITA.
  • Oh serious? Even after I shielded her, she didn’t turn off the droids attacking me?
  • Ok, does Syo know that each time I shield someone I die a little, because he’s pretty cavalier about continually sending me out for this.
  • And why is it I can’t teach someone else the ritual again? Did the holocrons just beam the information right into my head?
  • Well, off to Tattooine.
  • I like how we periodically run by some people obviously getting mugged, but have no option to do anything about it.
  • The Jedi Code is selective.
  • “Sand. Why did it have to be sand.”
  • Well so far, this guy who wanted to make an army out of the Sand People was the most lucid plague sufferer so far.
  • Ok, that’s twice I’ve insta-died walking into an empty elevator shaft.
  • Ah Czerka Corporation. The Star Wars equivalent of Cerberus.
  • This Czerka Corp guy looks uncomfortably like Kai Lang.
  • This poor old dude out in the desert is bewailing that he can’t fix anything anymore, and my Jedi jst said “remember, there is no emotion. There is peace. Remember that.”
  • “I don’t even know what that means.”
  • Oh the Rakata are back.
  • Hey, it’s the same guy that was locked in the box in the Ebon Hawk.
  • No, faux-Kai Leng. You don’t get the box.
  • Nice that Tharan wants a jedi to cheat on his hologram with.
  • Off to Alderan.
  • Organa is a troubled house.
  • That was the shortest hostage situation ever. Like I think I was a hostage for like less than a minute.
  • Man, I have to buy a car or something, because that was the longest walk to House Teral ever.
  • Wow. This researcher sent me all over heck and gone doing stuff, and then, because I wouldn’t bring back the research to let het torture animals, she said I never think of anyone but myself.
  • Alderaan deserved to blow up.
  • Basically all my money goes to taxis. So worth it.
  • This Lew Organa has a total death wish. Rescue him and no sooner does he get out, but he starts marching straight through all the enemy soldiers to the holo phone or whatever.
  • Alright peace restored for the moment, and another Jedi shielded. Back to the temple.
  • Look, Yuan. I can’t keep re-shielding you forever.
  • Wow, you guys really did screw over Parkanus.
  • Ok, off to fight Vivicar!
  • Er…Ha Ha. I don’t remember how to get off the planet again.
  • Ok, finally found the ship. Now off to fight Vivicar!
  • Parkanas is kind of a downer even after he’s himself again.
  • Just call me Barsen’thor, I guess.

Heroes Reborn, Season One, Episode 112: “Company Woman”

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Spoiler Thoughts:

  • Where is everyone evacuating to?  Mars?
  • Tommy is kind of a dupe.
  • Oh poor Emily is probably going to end up in the fridge with the rest of the girlfriends.
  • Poor clueless Ren.
  • I feel like maybe Zach should have had a better plan than “drive into Gateway.”
  • Since I don’t think we’re done with Erica, it’s looking bad for Parkman.
  • Why does Parkman even have to bother with Taylor?  Why doesn’t he just make Erica do whatever he wants?
  • Magic bands for the whole Parkman family!
  • This lab guy is a weak link.
  • I wonder why this dude didn’t just pretend to heal Erica’s dad normally?  She’d never know otherwise.
  • Oh.
  • Eew.
  • Luke is pretty ineffectual at restraining these guys.
  • Quentin, Quentin. Always switching sides at the worst possible times.
  • Ren and Emily!  The sadly underused sidekicks!
  • Their patron saint must be Ando.
  • Amazing. Ren found the only other person who also read the comics.
  • Tommy’s mom maybe didn’t do him a solid when she had Caspar give him amnesia.
  • So water and lightning are independent of time and space?
  • If Tommy really wanted his mom to be safe, he should maybe have set her up in a little house in the future.
  • Ugh. Erica’s life is just 10 pounds of ugh in a 5 pound sack.
  • Taylor must have some pretty good arm muscles, to hold this gun up for this long.
  • I like how this school printed all their photos in black and white, except for Claire.
  • I think the flaw in Zach’s plan is that Tommy will get there faster only if he sees Malina at the same time as Erica.
  • Did anyone tell Tommy not to suck out Malina’s powers?
  • Perhaps Tommy should have frozen time when he got there.
  • It’s psycho showdown!
  • Ok, Malina might not be that bright.
  • This is why they tell you not to telephone and drive, Parkman.
  • OMG, Baby Caspar!
  • Otomo-San had to know this was coming.

Teen Wolf, Season Five, Episode Thirteen: “Codominance”

Spoiler Thoughts:

    • Tamlyn is the poster mother for Tough Love.
    • I must say, these girls have pretty hair for all that dust and exertion.
    • Kira is not excited at the thought of staying in this dust bowl with the non-exfoliating team.
    • Kira seems way more anxious at the staying forever part than the part where she has a spear stuck straight through her chest.
    • Oh My Goood!  THE JEEP.
    • Aww. Liam is so sorry, Scott.
    • After all, it’s not like he’s even the first three of your friends that tried to kill you.
    • Stiles is now the expert at forgiveness. He is rewarded for this knowledge by the gift of his jeep’s life.
    • Oh Stiles. I had a leak like that last week that probably going to run me around a grand.
    • If this beast turns out to be Mason, I will be so mad.
    • I feel like this conversation is supposed to humanize Theo and scorpion girl for us, but since we saw them kill their sister and dad respectively, I am skeptical.
    • I find the Beast so amusingly cute, for some reason. It’s like the dragon in “How to Train Your Dragon.”
    • Liam is in the dictionary under “no chill at all.”
    • Well I don’t see blood stains on Scott’s chest, so that seems like an improvement.
    • Stiles, how well did you think it was going to work, taking your barely-running jeep out into no-man’s land?
    • Oh look, it’s Scott’s Teacher of the Year.
    • Mason = smooth.
    • Liam and Hayden are demonstrating why lab partners are never a good idea.
    • How does this teacher expect them to solve the mystery together without discussing it?
    • Tamlyn is demonstrating some classical Asian parenting right here.
    • Wow, even way out in the desert, gas is only 3.83.
    • Stiles finally came clean. See?  Scott will always understand, unless he’s in the middle of a total freak out.
    • This starry backdrop looks like something out of “Dark Shadows.”
    • Ok, Kira seems to be taking a little too long to figure this cause and effect out.
    • Theo is getting his clock cleaned pretty good here.
    • Tamlyn had to pause for one more display of badassery.
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Tamlyn is gonna cut herself a bitch.
  • The skinwalkers were powerful, but not as powerful as Stile’s jeep.
  • Stiles and Tamlyn are all “…so, things been ok with you?” “Yeah, pretty good…”

Review: “Dragon Age: Magekiller” # 2

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Magekillers #2 continues Greg Rucka’s story of Tessa and Marius–mage-killing mercenaries set in the Dragon Age universe.

This installment starts off with the Tevinter ruler Archon Radonis explaining the job he has for the captured duo.  No surprise, considering the line of work they’re in, it involves killing some fairly high-profile magisters, but if beggars can’t be choosers, then neither can rogues at the staff’s end of the most powerful mage in the most powerful mage-filled country in Thedas.  It quickly becomes evident that a grim future awaits them whether they finish the job or not, when an unexpected encounter with an old friend further complicates the situation.

While the first issue last month seemed a little heavy on the exposition, as you’d expect for an entry point to something as hugely designed as the World of Thedas, this issue really kicked the story into gear.  Action-heavy, it almost seems as though it could have been fleshed out a little more–the pair accomplish some complicated assassinations with considerable set up in the space of five pages.  The economy of storytelling is admirable, but it’s a mark of how engaging the characters are, that we’d enjoy spending more time with them.

This time around the references to events and characters from Dragon Age Inquisition fly fast and furious, and Tessa and Marius seem fated to be embroiled in its affairs far sooner than I would have anticipated.  The art continues at a high grade and Carmen Carnero’s pencils depict Tevinter with just the decaying grandeur and sybaritic elegance you’d imagine.  For anyone reading the books as a .pdf (like I am,) be sure to view it in the two page format in order to fully appreciate the pretty cross-page assassination layouts.  It’s a fun start to an engaging story that will hopefully fill in some of the already-immense Dragon Age backstory.

Dragon Age:  Magekillers #2 release date:  January 20, 2016.