Storm Coast is the Seattle of Thedas.
Ok, I have no idea how I’m supposed to get to that grey warden place in the mountains. You’ll have to wait until another day, Blackwall.
Watching a huge battle between giant spiders and darkspawn, and have literally no one to root for.
Blackwall likes to say “that’s the end of that,” even with a full open rift over his head.
Man, who would have thought that sad addict in Kirkwall would turn out to be such a pain in the ass.
Contracts apparently work a lot better in Thedas.
Look, I realize they’re pieces of crap, but we can’t just kill everyone for that, Solus. There’d be no one left in Thedas.
Hey thanks for booking as soon as we finished your quest, Solus. I kind of thought we were going rift closing afterwards, but apparently not.
I haven’t seen Blackwall or Sera in Skyhold for awhile. I feel like they got that map from Harry Potter and snuck out.
After ripping apart two graves, I’m now wondering if I’m cleansing this eleven cemetery, or defiling it.
Subquest now shows up as “spoils of desecration,” so there’s that.
Look, man, I was just doing a really good job of cleaning out the graveyard.
Ok, fine. I can still get enough approval if I do all the other things. Why won’t you take my bear hides?
Now, there is suddenly a dearth of bears in this Andraste-foresaken place.
Ok, I feel like I’ve finished almost everything in the Hinterlands except a) the unknowns I don’t know how to get to, b) the shard that’s by the dragon who’s too hard still, and c) the stupid waterfall by the bridge.
that’s why Cole threw the turnips in the fire! Finally remembered to take the upgrades off the weapons before selling them.
Josie dresses pretty well for someone who’s broke.
Ok Blackwall, time to start collecting your warden bits.
Varric really hates the swampy places.
Back to the coastal place with the difficult-to-navigate hills.
Unlocked the star map cave on the map, but…it…isn’t…here…
Oh hi Alpha Hurlock. Nice of you to invite two bears to come and join the party.
I keep forgetting I have that focus thing now.
SO MANY QUESTS
When everyone was fleeing for their lives over the mountains and snow, I’m gad someone remembered to bring the war table.
Also glad that Solus wasn’t going to spill on the location of this place until he started thinking people were going to lynch him.
Oh Alistair. Come join the Inquisition.
Ok, I still don’t know how to make runes, Dagna.
Little bit creepy, Solus.
A Room of One’s Own.
Wow, they really fixed things up while Solas napped me.
Sad that Alistair never really knew who he was kicking out of Ferelden.
Oh Solus…I…er…like what you’ve done with the place.
It’s going to take another 50 hrs for me to get out of Skyhall.
For some reason I thought Scout Harding would be taller.
Cole, you are not inspiring confidence by showing up and wanting to knife people.
Dorian is one of those people who is a hoot, and also has some anger issues underneath the hootiness.
Interesting how the same number of flirting responses with each character leads to wildly different responses. Blackwall seems a little quicker than Cullen.
You don’t seem to get hurt in Skyhall, so it’s actually quicker to just leap off the battlements than try to find the right staircase down.
I guess if I saw someone leap off the battlements of a castle and then wander away aimlessly, I’d be ready to believe they were the Chosen One also.
Goat attack guy is my favorite.
Great. Went out of town for a week, and now I barely remember the key bindings.
I like how we’re all “MUST SAVE LEILANA! MAKER KNOWS WHAT’S HAPPENED TO HER! Hey, what’s in this bag of flour?
Companions don’t talk to you all that much, just because you left them to get tortured and poisoned for a few years.
Man, Redcliffe Castle is good for no one.
Oh, wow, Leilana looks a little different than in the trailer.
We should maybe have picked her up a little moisturizer.
Well I guess a few years as blood and skin donor might take their toll on a body.
Damn it, Leilana.
Felix is kind of the big loser here, no matter which timeline.
Oh, Alistair, laying down the law.
It seems a little harsh, but then again, Alistair could say “boil all the newborns!” And I’d be all “ISN’T HE ADORBS”
Nooo Alistair! You don’t know who Fiona is! Oh…Damn…
Wait! All the approval/disapprovals scrolled by so fast, I didn’t get to read them all!
Dorian is a hoot.
Good Heavens, this is a long song about Enchanters.
Hm. The map missions seem to be taking a lot longer to accomplish by now.
Off to seal the breach! Hope this doesn’t go horribly wrong.
Ok, that seems a little
too easy… Oh, because it
was too easy. Wow, I’m the worst at saving the Haven townsfolk.
Well thanks for your support
now, Roderick. Oh man, I wonder if I was supposed to be looting in between aiming the thing.
Wait, didn’t we kill this guy in Legacy?
Well I hope the other three guys got out because they sure aren’t here now.
Ah, the “slow-walk” segment of the game.
This woman is totally going to be the next Divine.
Solas is all “WTF?”
Cliiiimb eeeevery mountaaaain…
How did Solas happen to know of this handy fortress just over the next hill?
Welcome to…Jurassic Park. No, wait…
Off to Val Royeaux! Wait, what level was I supposed to be?
Ha. Love the vandalized statute plaques.
Oh, froze again.
Well that was unexpected.
Well Val Royeaux’s statues are more welcoming than Kirkwall’s, at least.
Ooo–I want the expensive mystery box.
Sera! Oh, froze again.
Fighting! Oh, froze again.
Ok, drivers updated again. Back in business!
Oh, they really don’t have pants.
And Cullen’s visible now! Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
In retrospect it’s hilarious that our seat of power is in that creepy town with the cultists and that kid who used to sing stuff.
I feel bad that Vivienne has to change into baggy pants now.
Good Lord, just this one horse quest has like 90 subquests. Thedas is going to be a smoking pit before I get a mount.
OMG, I figured out how to make a camp! I thought I was just going to wander around with my rapidly depleting health potion supply forever.
I’M ON A HORSE.
Great Googly Moogly, what kind of bears
are these? Rifts on the Outskirts, on the Farm, in the Woods…
How do you talk to people? So far, I can talk to everybody except my teammates.
Pretty sure this one guy just exploded, saying “what th…” And Cassandra then said “DEAD.”
I hate it when I accidentally walk in a fire and start incinerating.
I’m not even sure what we were doing with the Blood Brothers quest.
Solus tends to be a little late with those barriers.
Oh man, this one rift is kicking me to the curb.
that’s how you talk to all of them. Well the Leiliana convo could have gone better.
I think I lost Cullen?
No serious, Cullen’s totally gone.
Spoiler Stream of Consciousness:
Ready to start!
Oops, need to update drivers.
Ready to start!
Oops, game froze on options.
Ready to start!
Oops, forgot to import Keep data.
really ready. Looks gorgeous.
I see Thedas hasn’t changed its taste in hairstyles much, over the years.
[Hours of customization later] Time to go!
Nooooo, her eyebrows look funky!
Wow, Cassandra looks great.
Especially her eyebrows.
Cassandra: Not the trusting type.
Good Lord, there are a lot of status effects.
I am the worst at remembering key bindings. Cassandra must wonder why I keep attacking dead bodies.
Well I can’t really blame Cass for being suspicious of me, when I can barely get to where she is, before she finishes a fight.
Oh hey, guess who’s failing use of the tactical camera?
Why does Cassandra’s health bar have wood flooring?
Look, I found a hat for you, Cassandra. Don’t say I never gave you anything.
I like how everyone’s saying how great I am, while I’m finding all these notes on how they wanted to kill me in my sleep.
Good Lord, it took me over an hour just to get through the prologue.
Enjoyable things courtesy of an enigmatic world.